Friday, July 25, 2014

My Object Lesson for This Week



The weather was beautiful this morning, with plenty of sunshine, low humidity, and a light cool breeze that was very refreshing and energizing.  I was well into my usual route when something in the gravel and dirt just a few feet in front of me caught my eye as the sun was reflecting off of it.  Upon reaching the object, I realized that it was a long silver-colored screw about four inches in length (pictured above).  I picked it up and carried it with me for fear of someone, possibly me, running over it and getting a flat tire from it.  I know, from experience, how easily that can occur.  Just a few days ago that very thing happened to me.  

I had been on my way to buy a few groceries and other supplies when I noticed that the "low tire pressure" warning light had come on (one of the high-tech features of newer automobiles for which I am thankful).  I checked the tires and all had below normal pressure, but one was particularly low.   So I stopped at a local station and put the recommended amount of air in each tire and when I started the engine again, the warning light was off.  This lasted for one day.  

When I got in the car the next morning and started the engine, the warning light came on again, so I headed to the tire store and asked them to check it out.  They took the car in and after just a few minutes, one of the managers walked out to where I was sitting in the waiting area.  As he approached, he held out his hand and said, "We found the problem".  In his hand was a metal screw, shorter but larger in diameter than the one pictured above.  He said that the tire was repairable and it was being worked on.  Okay, they pulled my car back out into a parking space, I paid for the repair, got in my car and ran my errands.  Since then, in the back of my mind, I often wonder how long that repair will last and I also have fears of the tires picking up another foreign object, going flat or blowing out, and I will be out in the middle of nowhere when it occurs.  I know, I can't let those kinds of thoughts and fears deter me from going places and doing the things I need and want to do.

That tire suffered an assault or injury and, although it was repaired and taken care of, and it might continue to serve its purpose well, it will never be the same as it was before.  It now has a "scar".  When I thought about that, it began to remind me of all the different types of scars that people acquire...from the visible physical scars related to accidents, injuries, physical abuse, surgeries, etc., to the invisible scars on our hearts and/or our minds from mistreatment, emotional or mental abuse, neglect, misunderstandings, loss of loved ones through death, and broken relationships.  Those invisible scars are often conveyed in a people's eyes, especially when memories of the past are brought to the surface.  And even when life appears to be "normal" for them as they smile, move on, get involved in their careers,  participate in family and social functions, and perhaps begin new personal relationships, their scars will serve as a reminder of past hurts and heartaches...and they are forever changed.



(Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy or share without permission.)




Wednesday, May 7, 2014

"The Title"

"That special 3-letter title that can evoke feelings of fear, uncertainty, inadequacy, responsibility, importance, purpose, wonder, awe, pride, compassion, immeasurable and unconditional love..."Mom".  My heart is so full of overwhelming love for my sons...my desire is and always has been been for them to be happy, healthy, responsible, loving, giving, compassionate, respectful, respected, successful at whatever they choose to do and be...and to always know that, no matter what, they will always be loved and cherished by me." ~C.J. 

 

(figurine is Willow Tree Mother & 2 Young Children - Susan Lordi - Demdaco)


(copyright Post by C.J. - please do not copy or use without permission)
 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Easy?




"I don't recall anyone ever saying that life is or would be easy; 
 if they said it, they were either delusional or they lied. "   ~C.J.


(Post by C.J. - please do not copy or use without permission)

Why I Dread Questions and Avoid Conversation...




"I learn something new every day.  And forget five other things forever." 

This quote is from a poster I saw recently and it is so true for me, except now I quickly forget the "new" thing as well!  Brain fog, along with short-term and long-term memory loss, is one of the most frustrating problems for me, especially when attempting to interact or carry on a conversation.  It's all related to my difficulty in keeping up with the flow of conversation and "information in" versus slowed integration and processing of information by my brain, speech difficulty and hesitation, word-finding difficulty, and not being able to remember what was just said.  It all stresses me out and it brings me further down when friends and loved ones give me that "look" and impatiently say things like "I just told you that!", "Oh, you have to remember her/him/that!", "How could you forget_ _ _?!", "You have to know that...you took that class!", etc. etc. etc.

I wonder how much of this is caused by the MS, thyroid disease, other autoimmune diseases, normal aging process, hormonal or chemical imbalances, unknowns???


I tell you these things, NOT because I'm looking for sympathy or pity; I'm simply trying to make you aware and help you to understand what's happening, why I am the way I am and do the things I do...


(copyright  Posts and photo by C.J. - please do not copy or use without permission) 

Friday, February 14, 2014

"One Year Anniversary"

Today IS a very special day...

One year ago today, on February 14, 2013...
I came face-to-face with the Heart of God...
And the reality of this quickly fleeting thing called Life.
The days leading up to that day were a blur...
But at this hour I was waiting...
And I realized just how little control I have...
Going through the formalities and paperwork...
Preparing to put my physical life in the hands of strangers...
I suddenly found a strange Peace come over me...
As I realized that HE had and always had
my fragile and sometimes crazy Life in His hands...
The One who spoke me into existence...
The One who knows my purpose...
The One who has always been by my side...
even the times I've felt totally alone...
The One who accepts, forgives, and loves ME...
I'm not saying that I wasn't still afraid...
But I felt His Love in the family who was by my side...
Through the thoughts and prayers of others who cared...
And when I was being prepped in the operating room
and I was so cold and in pain from complications
of the many attempts for them to insert an arterial line...
I felt His Love through the touch of the neurosurgeon
who, although I couldn't see, came up behind my head
while I was lying on the table, strapped down...
as he gently wiped my tears away and held my head in his hands...
and quietly said "It's okay"...and then told them to give me IV meds
to help me to sleep and to forget all the pain and anxiety...
His touch and his voice were the last things I remember
until after the many hours of surgery.


My God is amazing...
He loves me with an everlasting love...
And although it has been, and still is, a long healing process...
He shows me every day, in small and big ways...
how high, how wide, and how deep is His Love for me...
and I know that I belong to Him...
He has my Heart...
and I am filled with Love, and Awe, and Appreciation...
because I know that I know that I know...
He...Loves...Me. ~C.J.


(Post by C.J. - please do not copy or share without permission)