Most folks in the "civilized" world are familiar with the objects in the above photograph. And most people would not find the objects the least bit intimidating or frightening. I've never had a problem with them...until yesterday. You see, yesterday I was feeling a little "off" from the time I awoke and got out of bed. I was a little unsteady on my feet, and I noticed I was having some difficulty keeping my thoughts together and I was having trouble making even the smallest decisions.
After taking much longer than usual to make my bed, put a load of laundry in the washer, eat breakfast, and wash dishes, I knew I needed to get a shower and get dressed. But I was a little leery of trying to stand long enough to finish my shower, so I decided it might be best if I just took a bath instead.
Well, everything was going along okay and it actually felt good to soak for a few minutes after bathing. The problem arose when I decided it was time for me to get out of the tub. I sat and stared in front of me at those shiny silvery objects that are shown in the photograph....it seemed like it was for an hour, although it was perhaps only four or five minutes. As I sat and stared, I became a little frightened as well as frustrated...because I could not remember what I needed to do in order to drain the water from the tub.
No, I haven't suffered a traumatic brain injury...no, I don't have Alzheimer's disease (as far as I know)...no, I didn't have a stroke, etc. I was having an acute attack of my brain "short-circuiting", something that happens to me fairly frequently as a result of having MS (multiple sclerosis). These particular episodes usually don't last very long, but I do have some permanent long-term as well as some short-term memory loss. The attacks can occur at any time, but tend to be more frequent if I am fatigued, emotionally or mentally stressed, too hot, too cold, or have any type of illness going on. This is just one of the many symptoms I have with this cursed disease.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want to help you understand what is happening to me...why I am constantly keeping lists or a journal, why I sometimes seem to be staring blankly into space, why it sometimes takes me longer than you think it should to answer a question or complete a simple task, why I say "no" or "not now", or "I can't" a lot more often than I used to. On the outside I may look "fine", but on the inside I am often a "tangled mess of misfirings and disconnected electrical impulses".
So, if you can accept me as I am with all the changes that are now happening and doubtless will continue to take place (unless there is a miraculous cure), I welcome you into my life. If not...if it frightens you or it's too much for you to bother with or handle...then you will probably become suddenly silent, quickly disappear, walk out, or just slowly back away as many others have already done. Either way, I thank you for listening to me.
My current brief version:"Lord, please help me to graciously accept that over which I have absolutely no power to change; the courage, wisdom, strength, and patience to help change what needs and can be changed by what I say or do...and please consider, Lord, that I have already learned, quite often the hard way, the difference between these two. Amen!"
People are constantly looking for real joy, peace, and contentment....but most are looking in the wrong places. Money cannot buy these things. They cannot be found in a bottle of alcohol, a handful of pills, or a mixture of toxic chemicals. They are also absent in gambling casinos, profane movies, or pornography. Multiple sexual partners, extramarital affairs, and perverse or deviant behavior are void of them. Any of these things might provide a moment of perceived pleasure, but the stuff of real joy, peace, and contentment only comes when that special place in your heart and core of your being is occupied by Jesus Christ. It's "His room" and no one else and nothing else can fill it and make you complete and give you a joy and peace that surpasses all human understanding, in the face of any adversity, than inviting Him in to live with you daily, to walk with you, guide you, and be your constant companion....All you need to do is ask. ~ C.J.
I do a lot of my crying while I'm in the shower. Why? So no one will see my tears, hear my sobs, and know how much I am hurting, I suppose. Perhaps because in the past my tears, and the reasons for them in the first place, have gone unnoticed or at least unacknowledged, making me want to hide my feelings and emotions and put up invisible walls for protection and self-preservation.
But there is One who always sees, always hears, always knows...and He cares. Psalm 8:56 even suggests that he collects all the tears I shed, whether in joy or in sorrow, and keeps them in a special bottle (or 'lachrymatory' for you wordsmiths). I have no idea how He would separate my tears from all that water in the shower, but I am sure that would be a very small task for Him!
I was just thinking...if our tears are this important to Him, should our own hearts not be touched and we ourselves not be affected and moved to action by the tears of others when we see them?
Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me. Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High. What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts are against me for evil. They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, they mark my steps, when they wait for my soul. Shall they escape by iniquity? in thine anger cast down the people, O God. Thou tellest my wanderings: PUT THOU MY TEARS INTO THY BOTTLE: are they not in thy book? When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me. In God will I praise his word: in the LORD will I praise his word. In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee. For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living? (Psalm 56 KJV)
