Just Because You Can't See It...

Good or bad, quite often throughout an ordinary day, I will see an object or a common sight and I immediately view it as a symbol of something else or as an object lesson for this thing known as life.

While walking the other day, I snapped a photo of this piece of a tree trunk that had apparently been sawed off after the tree had possibly fallen and blocked the roadway during a storm or something.  I noticed that, although the outside looked normal, the inside of the trunk was hollow, looking as though it had decayed from within...and I suddenly thought, it was "much like many of us humans" who, for various reasons, are walking around seemingly fine, looking and acting healthy and without serious problems or concerns...who are anything but fine, in reality.

That's the way it is for those who have conditions or diseases (such as multiple sclerosis or MS) that might have few outward signs that are noticeable to others, but produce many "invisible" symptoms.  There are currently three main types of MS:  relapsing/remitting (symptoms come and go and sometimes are not completely resolved), progressive (where symptoms never resolve, keep accumulating, and severe disability usually occurs more quickly), and secondary progressive (when relapsing/remitting becomes progressive).  With MS, even though we might appear to be "normal" and can seemingly visibly function in our daily lives much like the average person, we experience symptoms that are as unique as each individual (along with their severity and duration), that vary from one person to the next, and can include the invisible constant, chronic, or intermittent pain; numbness, tingling, or burning sensations; electrical, vibrating, and buzzing sensations in various body parts; problems with sense of vision, hearing, taste, touch, smell;  bowel and bladder dysfunction; vertigo and dizziness; muscle weakness; incoordination; cognitive deficits, memory loss, inability to recognize, understand, comprehend, process, assimilate, interpret, or respond to spoken or written words or instructions;  confusion, disorientation, feeling as if mind and body are disconnected; unimaginable fatigue that can come on very suddenly...just to name a few.

And just as the outwardly appearing normal healthy tree that happens to be invisibly rotten or decayed on the inside and can thus be toppled by a mild storm or bump...those with MS can be devastated or destroyed by an ordinary infection, a common illness, a stressful event or situation...that is otherwise just a nuisance or short-term problem for most individuals.  

Can you understand this?  We get tired from trying to constantly explain and remind family, friends, and co-workers about what is happening to us, and we often feel as if we aren't believed, especially when we "look so good ".  Perhaps we should check into getting a group discount on tombstones that are simply engraved with "See...I told you I was sick!" Come on, it's okay to smile or chuckle.  If we didn't have a good sense of humor we probably wouldn't survive nearly as long as we do!  ;)

(copyright Photo and post by C.J. - please do not share or copy without permission)

Easy?

"I don't recall anyone ever saying that life is or would be easy; 

 if they said it, they were either delusional or they lied. "   ~C.J.

(Post by C.J. - please do not copy or use without permission)

Why I Dread Questions and Avoid Conversation...

"I learn something new every day.  And forget five other things forever." 

This quote is from a poster I saw recently and it is so true for me, except now I quickly forget the "new" thing as well!  Brain fog, along with short-term and long-term memory loss, is one of the most frustrating problems for me, especially when attempting to interact or carry on a conversation.  It's all related to my difficulty in keeping up with the flow of conversation and "information in" versus slowed integration and processing of information by my brain, speech difficulty and hesitation, word-finding difficulty, and not being able to remember what was just said.  It all stresses me out and it brings me further down when friends and loved ones give me that "look" and impatiently say things like "I just told you that!", "Oh, you have to remember her/him/that!", "How could you forget_ _ _?!", "You have to know that...you took that class!", etc. etc. etc.

I wonder how much of this is caused by the MS, thyroid disease, other autoimmune diseases, normal aging process, hormonal or chemical imbalances, unknowns???

I tell you these things, NOT because I'm looking for sympathy or pity; I'm simply trying to make you aware and help you to understand what's happening, why I am the way I am and do the things I do...

(copyright  Posts and photo by C.J. - please do not copy or use without permission) 

On a cloudy morn, Moments before Sunrise (Saturday, September 21, 2013)...

"Even when we don't see it, just as the sky is bathed in glorious colors in the moments before Sunrise, so we are often gifted with undeserved blessings that we aren't even aware of..." ~C.J.

 (Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

Walk a Mile...

You've probably heard the phrase "walk a mile in my shoes", usually used by a person in a conversation when he or she is wanting to convey the thought that no one should judge another's actions, comments, or feelings...because you don't know what all has happened in another person's life to make them say what they say or do what they do. 

You may say to another "I know how you feel" or "I know what you're going through", but this statement can really be true only up to a point.  No one can know exactly...

For a concrete example or object lesson on what I mean, you can literally take the shoes off another person's feet, place them on your own, and walk a mile in them.  Now...perhaps you think they fit pretty well, but there's no way they fit exactly the same way they did on the original owner's feet...on you, they might be too long, too short, too wide, too narrow; the arch might be too high or low, or not hit the right spot on you; your foot might be thicker or thinner, also making the shoes too tight or too loose, causing blisters or making your toes or feet numb; if the shoes have been worn for very long, they might not be level on the sole and/or heel because their owner's feet tend to turn in or out when they walk, and this makes you "off-balance" and also causes foot and leg pain after you walk in them....etc., etc....

...so, even though you think you know, and even though you may have gone through some similar circumstances or experiences, you can never know exactly what another person's life is like, how he/she has been affected, or the emotions and feelings they have.  

We all need to try to understand and not be quick to judge any person, or criticize or jump to conclusions regarding their life or lifestyle.  Take a good honest look at those who have "been there, done that" or who are currently going through a difficult situation, and learn from their experiences.  

Everyone needs the compassion, patience, understanding, mercy, strength, and support from those who are willing to try to "walk a mile in my shoes"...

No Mistake...

"Don’t mistake my silence for ignorance."

"Don’t mistake my calmness for acceptance."

"And most of all, don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.”   

                                                                                           

                                                                                                    ~ Unknown

(Post and photo ©  by C.J. - please do not copy)

What? How?

Most folks in the "civilized" world are familiar with the objects in the above photograph.  And most people would not find the objects the least bit intimidating or frightening.  I've never had a problem with them...until yesterday.  You see, yesterday I was feeling a little "off" from the time I awoke and got out of bed.  I was a little unsteady on my feet, and I noticed I was having some difficulty keeping my thoughts together and I was having trouble making even the smallest decisions.  


After taking much longer than usual to make my bed, put a load of laundry in the washer, eat breakfast, and wash dishes, I knew I needed to get a shower and get dressed.  But I was a little leery of trying to stand long enough to finish my shower, so I decided it might be best if I just took a bath instead.  


Well, everything was going along okay and it actually felt good to soak for a few minutes after bathing.  The problem arose when I decided it was time for me to get out of the tub.  I sat and stared in front of me at those shiny silvery objects that are shown in the photograph....it seemed like it was for an hour, although it was perhaps only four or five minutes.  As I sat and  stared, I became a little frightened as well as frustrated...because I could not remember what I needed to do in order to drain the water from the tub.  


No, I haven't suffered a traumatic brain injury...no, I don't have Alzheimer's disease (as far as I know)...no, I didn't have a stroke, etc.  I was having an acute attack of my brain "short-circuiting", something that happens to me fairly frequently as a result of having MS (multiple sclerosis).  These particular episodes usually don't last very long, but I do have some permanent long-term as well as some short-term memory loss.  The attacks can occur at any time, but tend to be more frequent if I am fatigued, emotionally or mentally stressed, too hot, too cold, or have any type of illness going on.  This is just one of the many symptoms I have with this cursed disease.  


Why am I telling you this?  Because I want to help you understand what is happening to me...why I am constantly keeping lists or a journal, why I sometimes seem to be staring blankly into space, why it sometimes takes me longer than you think it should to answer a question or complete a simple task, why I say "no" or "not now", or "I can't" a lot more often than I used to.  On the outside I may look "fine", but on the inside I am often a "tangled mess of misfirings and disconnected electrical impulses".


So, if you can accept me as I am with all the changes that are now happening and doubtless will continue to take place (unless there is a miraculous cure), I welcome you into my life.  If not...if it frightens you or it's too much for you to bother with or handle...then you will probably become suddenly silent, quickly disappear, walk out, or just slowly back away as many others have already done.  Either way, I thank you for listening to me. 

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

I Remind Myself...

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

(Original prayer attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr)

My current brief version:  "Lord, please help me to graciously accept that over which I have absolutely no power to change; the courage, wisdom, strength, and patience to help change what needs and can be changed by what I say or do...and please consider, Lord, that I have already learned, quite often the hard way, the difference between these two.  Amen!"

(Post and photo ©  by C.J. - please do not copy)

Joy, Peace, and Contentment...

People are constantly looking for real joy, peace, and contentment....but most are looking in the wrong places. Money cannot buy these things. They cannot be found in a bottle of alcohol, a handful of pills, or a mixture of toxic chemicals.  They are also absent in gambling casinos, profane movies, or pornography. Multiple sexual partners, extramarital affairs, and perverse or deviant behavior are void of them. Any of these things might provide a moment of perceived pleasure, but the stuff of real joy, peace, and contentment only comes when that special place in your heart and core of your being is occupied by Jesus Christ. It's "His room" and no one else and nothing else can fill it and make you complete and give you a joy and peace that surpasses all human understanding, in the face of any adversity, than inviting Him in to live with you daily, to walk with you, guide you, and be your constant companion....All you need to do is ask.  ~ C.J.

"The joy of the Lord is my strength."

( © Post and photo by C. J. - please do not copy)

Collector of Tears

Does anyone not cry?


I do a lot of my crying while I'm in the shower.  Why?  So no one will see my tears, hear my sobs, and know how much I am hurting, I suppose.  Perhaps because in the past my tears, and the reasons for them in the first place, have gone unnoticed or at least unacknowledged, making me want to hide my feelings and emotions and put up invisible walls for protection and self-preservation.  


But there is One who always sees, always hears, always knows...and He cares. Psalm 8:56 even suggests that he collects all the tears I shed, whether in joy or in sorrow, and keeps them in a special bottle (or 'lachrymatory' for you wordsmiths).  I have no idea how He would separate my tears from all that water in the shower, but I am sure that would be a very small task for Him!  


I was just thinking...if our tears are this important to Him, should our own hearts not be touched and we ourselves not be affected and moved to action by the tears of others when we see them?

Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me.  Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou  most High.  What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.  In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.  Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts are against me for evil.  They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, they mark my steps, when they wait for my soul.  Shall they escape by iniquity? in thine anger cast down the people, O God.  Thou tellest my wanderings: PUT THOU MY TEARS INTO THY BOTTLE:  are they not in thy book?  When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.  In God will I praise his word: in the LORD will I praise his word.  In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.  Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee.  For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I  may walk  before God in the light of the living?    (Psalm 56 KJV)

( © Post by C.J. - please do not copy)

For Me and You...

"Live, don't just exist...make the most of the time you are given...choose to have a positive outlook and attitude...take nothing and no one in your life for granted...don't dwell on situations over which you have no control...hold no grudges and let go of past hurts...don't hesitate to ask for, receive, and give forgiveness...show your love and appreciation at every opportunity, expecting nothing in return...be spontaneous...be silly when the urge hits you...laugh, sing, and dance...and be good to yourself..." ~C.J.

A video I shot during a surprise encounter with a large number of butterflies in May 2011.

( © Post and video by C.J. - please do not copy)

Thanks...

Some things for which I am thankful:

    Time

     Healing

     Angels

     Nature

     Kids

     Songs

     God

     Instinct

     Virginia

     Inspirational people

     No-schedule days

     Gifts from the heart

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

Security...

"I know not what this day will hold, but I know Who will hold me throughout this day." ~C.J.

‎ONE ~ "Your parents may neglect you, your spouse may be unfaithful, your children may be disobedient and disrespectful, your friends may be very fickle or turn against you, strangers may steal from you, your own body and mind may fail you, you may lose everything you've ever worked for in this life....‎...but there is ONE who will stay with you and never leave you, stand up for you, protect you, comfort you, walk with you, guide you, and love you now and through Eternity....all you need to do is invite Him into your heart and life....His Name is Jesus." ~ C.T.

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

Which Path?

On this journey called LIFE, would you rather put on blinders 


and travel on the familiar crowded highway with the 


masses...or would you rather travel on the scenic routes with 


their unexpected surprises, views, and opportunities? ~C.J.

"The woman who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.  The woman 

who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been."  -Albert Einstein

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

which is worse?

"Sometimes, your words hurt more than a slap across my face would...but oftentimes, your silence speaks volumes..." ~C.J.

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

The Heart Knows...

"Oftentimes, the heart knows...
          long before the mind is willing to acknowledge." ~C.J.

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

Face it...

IGNORING IT does NOT mean...


   ...that it does not exist, 


   ...that it will get better on its own, 


   ...or that it will simply disappear. 


                                                   ~C.J.

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

Tired?

Did you wake up this morning to a messy house, with dirty dishes, dirty laundry strewn everywhere, toys scattered about, tv blaring or children arguing?  Are you overwhelmed at the thought of trying to take care of everything and everyone else, get to work on time, be chef, chauffeur, banker, nurse, and counselor?


Take a moment and think...

• You have a home and bed to sleep in...be thankful.
• You see the mess because you still have your sense of vision...be thankful.
• You have dirty dishes because you have food to eat...be thankful.
• You know there is spoiled food to be thrown away because you still have a keen sense of smell...be thankful.
• You can enjoy a hot cup of coffee amidst the mess because you can feel the warmth of the mug in your hands and you can taste its wonderful flavor...be thankful.
• You have dirty laundry because you have clothes to wear...be thankful.
• There are toys on the floor and you receive random hugs from little arms because you were able to have children...be thankful.
• You know the tv is on and your kids are talking, laughing, or arguing because you have your sense of hearing...be thankful.
• You can walk to the mailbox to mail out the monthly payments because your feet and legs still work...be thankful.
• You maintain a calendar, an organizer, a scheduler because you can think and are involved in the lives of others...be thankful.
• You can be chef, chauffeur, banker, nurse, counselor, etc. because you have been blessed with the necessary material and financial means, the education, and common sense...be thankful.

You don't have to look too far to see others who DON'T have these things...so even on days when you are feeling overwhelmed, simply exhausted, or at your wit's end...you can, and should, be thankful...

( © Post and photos by C.J. - please do not copy)

About Me?

"Where words fail, music speaks." (Hans Christian Anderson) About me? It's not really all about ME:) I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up... I'm always looking for something to read or study... I love sunrises and sunsets...porch swings and rocking chairs...long walks and weekend trips... I enjoy music and poetry...singing and playing sax... I could spend hours laughing and talking with friends over coffee or tea... I'm not very outspoken, but when I'm passionate about something or someone, you'll know it... I'm very intuitive, discerning, sensitive and sentimental... I love picking up the phone and hearing my sons' voices, hearing them laugh or saying they are having a good day... I don't like insincerity, injustice, cruelty, wastefulness, unproductive meetings, rainy days, excuses or broken promises... I'm a proud mom of two wonderful sons who I don't get to see often enough. I don't know how the years have passed so quickly! I wish I could sit down right now with my old friends from high school and college, just relax, laugh, share some coffee or tea, catch up and reconnect...

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)

It Never Ends...

It Never Ends…

Who knows where the river goes

When it flows around the bend

I only know that it goes on...

And like life, it never ends

Sometimes it's shallow, calm and clear

Inviting you to touch

Gently rolling, drifting by

It sings in a quiet hush

But when storm clouds come together

And the rains pour from the sky

It becomes muddy, loud, and ugly

Producing fear as it rushes by

Whatever it touches is changed forever

But never loses its purpose

Whether touched gently as it passes

Or battered by forceful surges

Who knows where the river goes

When it flows around the bend

I only know that it goes on...

And like life, it never really ends

( © Post and photo by C.J. - please do not copy)